This is a catch up and I well aware it is at least six weeks since I wrote. I have had a bad attack of real life and my online activity has therefore been curtailed. Thus I have a couple of big stories.
At the time of last supervision about a month ago, I sat down and realised that I had just not made the progress I needed to on my PhD during the last month. There had been a lot of events at Church that had pulled me in and when I was involved had turned out to be bigger than I expected. Events such as a wedding at the Church and the anniversary service. Often what I had hoped would be a short involvement turned into a full day one. There were several things going on, I was getting over tired with trying to keep my thesis going, work and with church involvement. There also seemed to be a rule that the more I did the more people found for me to do. I was obviously not keeping boundaries well. So last supervision I decided I had to take a sabbactical from church. This was partly aided by the fact that I had a submission date of the end of October so it was time limited.
Still I did not manage to stand back as quick as I think people thought I should. A fortnight after this there was a communion. There are nine serving elders at St Andrews, of them for that communion there were only three available. All the rest had legitimate reasons for being absent including operations, big academic conferences and family weddings. Normally within a URC this would not be a problem but at St Andrews the ritual requires at least six elders at present. That meant that I was recruiting non-serving elders. There are difficulties with this, non-serving by virtue of being non-serving are not as familiar with the ritual as serving and also tend to be older. The result was that I made a decision that on this occasion we would drop the processing of the elements in. I did debate quite late on if the two table elders might process just the chalice and the bread roll but by that point it was really too late to change. It worked but it required input from me.
Having got that over with on the 7th July I was looking forward to the next weekend being a quiet one when I could get on with my thesis.
On the 9th July I went home with a migraine from work. Unusually for me coming on during a consultation. Maybe something to do with the heat as it was a very hot day. Anyway slept until my sister rang to say that Dad had collapsed and been taken into hospital in Macclesfield. Cathy was at my parents waiting for Mum to come. I said I could not make it that evening but that I would try and get over by the day as soon as possible. The rest of the evening was a mix between trying to organise things and going around to visit my friend Margo. I rang my sister to let her know to get me on my mobile but she did not answer. She rang back later to say she had had to pick Mum up from hospital in Macclesfield.
Around 11:00 a.m. the next morning I managed to get over as I needed to do some phoning to cancel things. It turned out that Cathy had had barely three hours sleep as Mum had become disorientated and could not work out why Dad was not there.
We got some lunch and then went to Macclesfield hospital. At the time the doctors there thought that dad had an artery that was colluding and that if he went for an angiogram at Stoke (they did send people to Manchester hospitals but it would mean waiting for a space while at Stoke they would do it immediately). So with that in mind I took over the care of Mum and Cathy went up to her family. For those who do not know Mum has early onset dementia and can get quite confused, however having seen Dad again and with the idea that he might be out by the weekend she seemed to calm down somewhat.
The next day was busy just with ordinary things for Mum. Her minister came around, we went out for a walk had lunch and then Mum’s hairdresser came around to cut her hair. I then ran her a bath. Then a phone call came from Dad. It was unclear and all I really gathered was that something had happened when he had gone into Stoke. So I rang Cathy and asked her to find out what was going on. About two hours later Cathy rang back. It had taken her that much time to track down where Dad was in the Health Service and what was going on. The story was when they did the angiogram they found that far from it being a single artery that it was multiple arteries and his heart valve was in poor shape as well. The doctors advice was that he should have open heart surgery as soon as possible and that they were not happy with him going home. Therefore he was now in Stoke waiting surgery.
Dad refused to give permission to have further surgery until he had talked with the family. Stoke is not the easiest place to get to from Stockport. In the end we managed to organise for Mum, Cathy and I to go down on Saturday. Adrian, Cathy’s husband came up with the brilliant idea of going by train. The big problem with a car is that Mum tends to dose in them and really can be quite cross when she wakes because she does not remember why she is travelling. With the train Cathy and I were able to interact with her the whole time which meant that she did not go through the crisis of sleeping and forgetting. However during the afternoon it became quite clear that I was stressed out having got about six hours sleep the last two nights as mum woke several times during the night and always needed reassurance.
With Dad needing an operation and needing time to recuperate we needed to rethink. The eventual decision was to put Mum in a home for respite care. The minimum time this would be for was four weeks. It would have to be a home near my sister so she could keep an eye on Mum. Until we could set that up I would take care of Mum. Mum broke down and wept when we left the ward but by the time in the train could not remember than she had been to see Dad.
On the Monday Cathy went to look around several homes. On the tuesday I had a doctors appointment myself which I did not want to postpone. So my sister came over, collected Mum and took her to see the home she felt was best while I went over. It gave me a break. I did not drive particularly fast but just having time in the four walls of my flat was good. I saw the doctor and did some sorting out. By Tuesday we had seen the home but Mum desperately wanted to see Dad and could not remember the visit on Saturday so I took her on Wednesday.
Thursday we moved Mum to the home near Cathy. It was hard and made more difficult that I could not focus. We had not yet heard the date of Dad’s operation although they had said end of that week, start of next. We left mum in tears but we both knew that unless we went the tears would not stop. It was hard.
I stayed with Cathy a while not wanting to drive far after the emotion of that event. Sitting in the garden talking with Sam and Hannah was a complete antidote to the intensity of sitting my mother. Mum is perfectly capable if only she remembers what she is doing. Just as I was leaving Cathy got a phone call from Dad to say his heart surgery would be the next day. Cathy rang the home to tell them
Cathy got rung at six to ask whether Dad had died by the home. They had found Mum at 5:00 a.m. sat in her chair cuddling a teddy and weeping her eyes out because she was convinced that Dad had died. Otherwise Friday was a waiting day. Dad only went down for his operation about 4:00 pm and we only knew he had survived after 7:00 pm.
The rest of the weekend has been spent quietly in my flat trying to get the introduction to my thesis almost finalised. Dad seems to be progressing much as the doctors expect, he was slightly confused tonight. Mum is packing and unpacking at the home. As long as that keeps her busy and she is not getting too distressed I am not too worried. We left the suitcase visible so she would know that stay was not permanent. There is some difficulty over contacting her as the mobile phone that she uses keeps loosing the signal.
*Tramlines is a music festival that happens most years in Sheffield; until this year it has been free and largely still is but some events are now charged for. As far as I am concerned it is mainly an inconvenience with music audible when I want to go to sleep and town difficult to get around.
