After Sarah's Leaving Do

First of all I went to a conference on “Opening the Gates to Heaven” which was held in Northampton at a Youth Conference centre on a business park. Northampton is an odd place to get to by train. My checking of tickets suggested that it would cost me over £120 to pay for a six hour journey. They insisted on either sending me by a whole host of local services or going into Birmingham and out. I do realise now that it might have been possible to book advance fare to London and then get another train out. However given that it is 3 hour drive at my speed (I know other people could have done it in just over two) and that car hire was around £40 there really was no competition even with petrol on top (another £30) the hire was quicker and cheaper. There should be a map of Britain where the towns are spaced according to the rail fares charged between them. It would be very interesting to see. The actual conference was a fairly URC affair. It was organised by an interested group based at one church in London with some support from the Faith and Order group. It was open to all, although I think I was the only person who was not either formally trained or in training to be a leader of worship (thus a mix of ministers and authorised lay preachers).

The conference had two main speaker and about five people giving short talks. Actually Yorkshire was one of the better represented Synods but we did seem to be mainly lay preachers. Really as most of our lay preachers are elders we should change the name.  The problem I have is that worship leaders seem to be worrying about what they are saying, and not by what people are hearing. The fact is that what worship leaders “say” and what people “hear” are not identical because while a worship leader may be clear in their own minds of their intentions, the hearer starts out with a different set of experiences which means they may understand what you are saying in a different way. There is a cartoon I recall of a short cleric who had gone into the a high pulpit with a sermon on a long piece of paper. All the congregation could see therefore was the top of his head and the scroll of his notes flopping down the outside of the pulpit. His opening words were “Today I would like to talk to you about communication...”. If you add to that the Reformed bias that says “Get your theology right and your worship will follow”, then I am not sure you will go anywhere. The trouble is my thesis is persuading me there is quite a bit of truth in "Lex Orandi, Lex Credendi, Lex Vivendi"or that as we pray, so we believe and so live (which is a rough translation). However if that is the case then you need to find how people experience prayer.

Thesis is on the whole going well although maybe not as quick as I would like. I have two chapters in second draft and therefore they have gone to my proof readers. I have another chapter which I hope is in second draft after my supervisor asked me to revise it and another that I have just started redrafting but I think I know where I am going with it. The big problem is getting the time slots required to do redrafting. I need at least a day to get any work done and better still if I can get most of two or three consecutive days to work on it. Whereas when I was doing first draft I could spend short spell because I was writing small pieces. Second draft is far more about rearranging the pieces so as to create something that is more structured and makes an interesting argument rather than pure description. I write detailed description first and while I am doing so the theory is forming in my mind, so I then need to go back and do some pretty major restructuring. Once accepted into second draft however there is little point in major restructuring. I have to do some on one of the chapters but the other I would prefer to leave alone.

At work I seem to have taken on quite a bit of teaching. I have done two sessions on NVivo for Linguists. These are mainly masters and I suspect doctoral students who are doing their research training year.  I am having problems in keeping up with the training needs of the University on this topic. Then I am also teaching with MASH  a course for Linguistics (yes same department but a different area) on using statistics. The basic idea is to give them enough skills to not feel daunted by the statistics in papers. Linguistics as a subject is rather peopled by individuals who were glad to get rid of maths at GCSE. The fact that they find themselves now in a subject that is increasingly using statistics and complex statistics at that is frightening for them. The big thing from my perspective is that I am having to learn R as that is what most linguists use. This is not the easiest of statistical packages to use. However unlike medics the Linguists seem to think that using a package that is capable is more essential than having one that is easy.

The weekend before last I went over to see my parents. This was simply an over one evening and back the next but if I did not do that I realised I would not be getting until I submitted my thesis. Therefore it was a matter of taking the time out. Hopefully my parents will be over next month. We went for a walk in Lyme Park, hoping to see hares but the weather was so bitterly cold that after all of a hundred yards we returned to the car and went in search of a cafe for a warm drink. Dad is beginning to work through the stuff that needs doing as if anything happened to him, then Mum would struggle by herself. Together however they work very much as a team, with Dad remembering what needs doing and quite often Mum doing it. However Dad has never been the most proactive at contacting people and sometimes being almost as slow as reluctant as his father who would rather do things for himself than ask help off anyone. Needless to say my father and grandfather would do their best to help anyone who came to them if they could.

Last weekend it was the annual church meeting. In that I am due to finish my thesis in less than six months, I felt that it was probably the right time for me to stand again as an active elder. I have also agreed to be table elder 1 and that is difficult if you are not an active elder. As you do an apprenticeship as table elder 2 for the year before being table elder 1, this was agreed over a year ago. However I did have to specify that I needed re-election. I was last elected I think in 2000 (it may have been 1999). It must have been a late Easter that year as I was ordained on Easter day. David Hill asked afterwards if I had ever been non-serving. He had presumed that I needed to resign, but as I had served for over six years (on a five year term of office) I did not really see how I could resign. Sarah asked me whether I would leave for the vote and I said “Yes, I’d prefer to” which must of surprised her but being out of the room while the whole thing was going on seemed much preferable to being in even though I was pretty confident that there would not be any problems. Needless to say I was voted on.

Writers group is going well at present, indeed we have twelve members and next term we are probably going to be playing hot chairs to get a seat as there are at least thirteen people who want to come. Actually I suspect we could run with fourteen and with people who are willing to miss a turn or who do not turn up we would manage just fine. From my poetry perspective, I need to find a way to tell which of my poems are good and which are not up to scratch. I can tell when a poem is unfinished but the qualities that differentiate a good from an adequate poem feel totally beyond me. I am realising however that I am developing a second style of poem, my usual poem tries to capture one moment, one incident succinctly. There is thus a sparseness about them. I have written some which are just four lines long. The fresh style is a narrative, that is there is more story to it and the feeling as if something happens or we move somewhere. They are thus longer pieces. I suspect it was the development of these that made one of the group comment on the lyricism of my recent work in the autumn. The other thing is my poems have been darker and bleaker this term. It is as if  that with Margaret (another member who is very good a writing Gothic pieces) being off, I have felt the space to explore some of the darker atmosphere.

Slowly slowly the wheels are turning to having me back on the Chaplaincy at the University as a religious advisor. The biggest problem I am having as always with this role is getting synod to think actually what it is doing. Synod has now appointed me and written to me to say so and to the chaplaincy. That is good but as far as I can tell they have appointed me to act as contact person without working out how I am to keep them in the loop or they me in the loop. I might be happier with the situation if district had not been so ready to treat me as irrelevant last time.

Finally I come to today. I have not talked about the weather but we have had our share of cold and snow. In particular we had snow on Friday and Saturday here. On Friday it fell in the morning but had largely melted by the evening but at night it started snowing again. That snow continued for the better part of the day and though cleared in late afternoon it was well below freezing so not melting. The result was even down here we had two to four inches of snow. Jean and James were reporting 6 feet in their back garden. The result was that yesterday they were making the decision on whether to continue with today’s service and celebration. Actually I think the service would have happened regardless but maybe not the celebration. The numbers that turned up were good. I think in the region of a hundred, especially if you include the clerics who turned up after the service. To my knowledge there were three or maybe four and yes they were all clerics. The result was that the hall was packed for the meal. People seemed to be making a real effort to come including at least one couple from Chesterfield. James ended up doing a lot of running around due to the snow. Jean was at one time worried because he had dropped her then gone out to collect Derek and Sarah. It became apparent only when he got back that he had also realised that John might need a lift and David did not feel that he could cross the carpark to his flat. The snow may have been a bit of a blessing as the hall was full, as was the garden room and we were close on filling the committee room. Any more and we really should have been taking the meal through to the church. Sarah used her ability in writing to give more of the story of  Sarai a women around the time of Jesus who connects with him at various times in his life.On the whole it worked as well as any Palm/Passion service does. A bit of a pity the time in the church while the meal was prepared was taken up with an organ recital. Douglas was good but I suspect quite a few people would have appreciated the extra time to talk to Sarah and with other people.

Suddenly a Sunny Spring Day

I think it is three weeks since I wrote and I may get around to writing again in a fortnight or I might not. That is I might have a Sunday free from thesis. I get these occasionally when I feel I am reasonably where I want to be and I will be at St Andrew’s on the morning. If that is the case then it would be late before I got around to thesis and sometimes having a day clear of both work and thesis is a good idea. The weather has until mid week been really cold but at present we are basking in sunny spring temperatures (don't get excited it is not double figures yet and the gritters were still gritting on Friday night).

Well the last three weeks have been busy although it is busy in much the usual way. I have been writing my thesis and got another chapter into second draft. I have also done minor alterations to the chapter I have already got to second draft and am in the process of getting on with a third.I saw my supervisor a couple of weeks ago. We talked a lot around the middle chapter and the difficulties of writing it. One of the problems is that I need to write about something that in the end is not resolvable into a neat formula. Many have tried it and failed. Even now having sent it to my supervisor I can think of at least two things I really should put in. The next chapter should be more straightforward. It was the one chapter that my supervisor really felt was working when I got it into first draft. I have read through it and I think I need to work on the theory bit at the start. So this week, I need to read through again, think about clarifying that and then think  what I need to include on the second part of the chapter. When I have done this I need to get on with flows which will be harder to knock into shape. I think it may need to go to more what my supervisor calls “poetic”.

Work has been busy largely with bits a pieces that need doing. I have learnt that my assessment for Chartership isn’t now until 2014, this really does not matter to me much, it is not going to be exactly hard to get it renewed if I have my doctorate and I also continue at the rate I am doing with development. I must admit my preferred method is self development rather than going on courses or to conferences. The best sort is what I call client led development which is when I have to sort out a tricky problem for a group of researchers and therefore I sit down and learn the statistics to do that. This is very different from keeping up with what is sexy in statistics. That said I am helping prepare a course for linguist on statistics. It will be interesting to see how this goes. I think personally we are sticking too closely to texts that have been found wanting but we still need to get over that hurdle. It starts next week but the person who was going to teach the first block (I will teach about 50% basically the second and fourth block although I am no expert on either) is now off until her child is born having been admitted to hospital with bleeding. There is another tutor who can take over the actual teaching but she is in the final stages of submission for her thesis. Although the tutor who was going to teach this is doing the slides at home, I am having to do more reviewing and I am also having to learn R to make sure I can cope with queries.
It was communion a couple of weeks ago and Jean D was Table Elder number 1  It went well despite the fact that both table elders were at the start double booked (I was also duty elder and Jean was on creche). Jean thought Marion Howdle was duty elder because that was what the sheet said and then Anne Cathels took that role on. There were no children so no creche. We now have to have a special diets elder for both bread and wine as there is someone who requires gluten free bread. The next communion is Easter Sunday when I am table elder one and it is Sarah’s last Sunday at St Andrew’s. I suspect that I will need to draft a set of ritual notes for communion at St Andrews simply because it is different from what most of the other churches do around here and though David Stec will take some of the communion services he will not take all and even he does not know the backstage stuff (e.g. just before the duty elder goes in with the Bible the minister reminds the elders to observe radio silence i.e. “We are going live folks so shut up”).

I think St Andrews is beginning to catch on that there is quite a long list of things I would like to be at but it is just not going to happen while I have the thesis to write. For instance I am not making Friday Breakfasts, some of this has been just simple coincidences, it started when I was very low one week and just did not feel up to going, then migraine, time of the month, excessive tiredness, colds, tummy bugs, Christmas, departmental meeting etc seemed to occur. However I also know that if I do not go it gives me a full day to work on thesis at the weekend rather than two half days. It is just not working out. If as I am planning at the moment I get my thesis in by the summer then I will be able to help out over the summer. Other things this week included the MAC group, lent groups which are happening and the fact that Yorkshire synod has a study day for elders which sounds interesting are all on the “I would like to but thesis”. This is also meaning that at present I am not going to Sarah’s induction in Southampton. It would mean a whole weekend away from thesis. Actually it would be alright if I had major reading to do as the train journey there and back would give me plenty of opportunity for that but I will almost certainly be at the finer editing stages and I need to be at my own computer for that.